Nathaniel - What Am I To You?

By Monday, the weather had cleared, but the grey in my head hadn’t.

I spent the entire weekend rehearsing how to explain myself to Freya—why I checked her phone, why I kept it to myself. I should’ve told her immediately. She might’ve understood. Maybe.

Instead of talking, we haven’t spoken at all.

After staring at my phone long enough to drive myself insane, I finally type: I want to talk. Before the captains’ meeting?

And for once, I hit send before I could rethink it.

Later, I head toward the training fields, hoping to catch Freya between drills. What I don’t expect is walking straight into them.

Freya and Kaiden stand in the middle of the pitch, moving like they’ve worked together for years.

He calls instructions. She mirrors them instantly. The kids respond without hesitation, laughing, moving, trusting them completely. Their rhythm is seamless. The hurt lands before I can stop it.

My chest tightens sharply, something twisting beneath my ribs hard enough to make me pause at the sideline.

Not because they look good together. Because they do.

Kaiden is good at this. Good with pressure. Good with people. Good at making someone feel seen without overwhelming them.

Freya shines beside him, brighter somehow, her shoulders loose as she laughs at something he says.

And Kaiden smiles back easily. Naturally. Like he never had to learn how. I hate how much sense it makes.

A spike of jealousy cuts through me so fast it almost feels embarrassing.

Not because I think something is happening between them. It isn’t.

I know Kaiden. Or at least I knew him well enough once to recognise the difference between attention and attraction.

Whatever this is, it’s not that. Still, I can’t look away.

Because even knowing that changes nothing about the feeling crawling under my skin. I want a future with Freya that feels steady. Real. And Kaiden slips into my life too easily. Into our lives too easily.

Like he’s always belonged somewhere inside it. That thought alone makes anxiety flare hot through my chest.

I linger near the sideline, pretending to watch the drills while my stomach knots itself tighter every time they move around each other instinctively.

Kaiden says something quietly. Freya laughs immediately. I look away before the feeling can settle properly. Why is this affecting me so much?

“Hey.”

Mia appears beside me, holding a water bottle, eyes fixed on the field. One foot taps steadily against the grass while she side-eyes me every few seconds.

I clear my throat.

“Hey.”

She skips small talk completely.

“I saw you kiss Coach Freya,” she says casually. “Are you two together? My mum says so.”

I nearly choke on air.

“Well,” I manage carefully, “if your mum says it… It must be true.”

Mia finally looks up at me, deeply unimpressed.

“I don’t think so.”

I blink slowly.

“Why?”

She shrugs.

“You didn’t use any tongue. My brother always does that with his girlfriend.”

I stare at her. Speechless.

Mia takes another sip of water, completely unfazed.

“I’m just saying,” she continues. “It looked more like a friend kiss.”

Then she tosses the bottle aside and jogs back toward the drills, leaving me standing there alone with my dignity somewhere behind me.

Freya and Kaiden continue coaching together effortlessly. And all I can think is— Why does this bother me so much?

The conference room doors are shut when I arrive. I lean against the wall as Freya rounds the corner. I straighten. Her cheeks are flushed from practice.

“Hey,” she says softly, as she always does. “You wanted to talk?”

I cough. Hesitate. Then hesitate again.

Do I really want to do this here? Where anyone could walk in, Mia or worse, Kaiden.

“I can wait till after,” I say, panic slipping into my voice, my arms dropping loosely at my sides.

Freya doesn’t move away. She leans against the wall, pulling one leg up, foot flat against the stone. She tilts her head, fingers brushing over her nose.

“Why did you read my text?”

My face drains. My palms go slick. The air around me shifts, or maybe it’s just me. I inhale, my voice unsteady.

“I didn’t mean to. I just… freaked when I saw it was Kaiden.”

Her gaze drops. Something sits between us.

“We coach a team,” she says, turning slightly, her eyes still not landing on mine. “Of course we text.”

It sounds reasonable. It is. But the thought of Kaiden ... My jaw tightens. I don’t finish it.

I wipe my palms against my jeans and step closer, mirroring her stance. Close enough that our hands almost touch.

“It’s just killing me, Fré,” I say, my voice cracking open. “Not knowing where I stand.”

She exhales slowly, eyes fixed somewhere in front of us. Her fingers brush mine, soft, grounding. They linger a second too long.

“I want what we have,” she says, tilting her head so I have to meet her eyes. But she looks at my shirt. Not my face.

It lands, It's not where I need it.

The words sit between us, heavier than I expected. I’ve come this far. I need to know.

“Fré.” I close the distance, catching a strand of her hair between my fingers, twisting it lightly. “What am I to you?”

She closes her eyes for a moment. Her chest rises. Her breathing steadies. When she opens them again, something in her has settled.

“You are my boy—”

She starts without thinking, like the word is already there. Then she stops. Cuts it clean.

My jaw tightens, unease settling deep in my chest. I hear the word she doesn’t finish. And the part she doesn’t say.

Her hand comes up to my jaw, warm, steady, easing some of the tension. Not all of it.

“I’m choosing this,” she says quietly. “I just need you to choose me without pushing me.”

Her hand stays there. For a second, I don’t move. It’s not the answer I asked for. But it’s the only one she’s giving me.

I lean into her touch before I can stop myself.

“I’m trying,” I say.

The words land between us instead of disappearing inside my head.

Freya doesn’t answer.

❤️ Maliyka ❤️